HE DOESN'T LOOK A DAY OVER 79...


Mickey Mouse turns 80 years old today, and there's not a gray hair on him. Sure, he's a little rounder, a little squatter, and he's been wearing the same clothes for decades, but all in all he looks pretty good. Sure, Mickey hasn't had a movie in two years (his last one went direct-to-video), but his cheerful face remains one of the most recognizable images in the world, even beating out Santa Claus. Disney threw a big party for the mouse's 75th birthday, so this year's festivities will be comparatively subdued. But TIME has been following the adorable mouse since the beginning, and 80 years is still a big number to us.

YUMM...CAT FIGHT TIME!


Scarlett Johansson is still scratching her head and wondering what that girl's problem was/is. Silly, Scarlett...when will you learn that the most amazing thing about Lindsay Lohan is that she doesn't have "motivations" like us mere normal people? Regular women are usually "lesbians" before they get "girlfriends," and they want to actually know people before they go calling them terribly offensive names.





Lindsay Lohan thinks regular people are lame...and that they're all (again, insert most inappropriate term for female anatomy here).




Speaking to "Allure", Johansson said of Lohan, "I really don't know that person. I only met her, like, three times." Interestingly enough, when Scarlett Johansson was 13, she lost the lead role in "The Parent Trap" to Lindsay Lohan. So if anything, Scarlett should be the one writing angry bathroom notes to Lindsay.

I'M IN HEAVEN!


Model Heidi Klum works the runway during Victoria's Secret Fashion Show
at the Fontainebleau Miami Beach Hotel Nov. 15, 2008 in Miami. The show airs on CBS Dec. 3, 2008. Models, including Heidi Klum, Miranda Kerr, Adriana Lima and Alessandra Ambrosia, walked the catwalk in a show consisting of naughty knickers, sexy underwear and the signature pair of wings.

IT'S LIKE A FUNERAL FOR OUR YOUTH...


I don't know about you, but I found last night's Total Finale Live broadcast sort of touching. Admittedly, I haven't watched a full episode of TRL in many years. But there was a time when that show meant a lot to me, in the way that only a television program you watch every single afternoon throughout your adolescence can do. And now TRL is done forever. So the long-departed Carson Daly came home again to 1515 Broadway last night, and with help from a cavalcade of Y2K-era celebs and sorta-celebs (Jesse Camp!), he re-enacted that treasured ritual one last time, on a Sunday night no less.

I WISH I WAS A DOG


Bet you wish you were Oprah Winfrey's dogs right now, cause they could be headed to the Four Seasons Hotel.



Her dogs are holed up at her Montecito estate, and even though her home is not threatened immediately, she's taking precautions.



"I don't have kids," she told her audience during a show taping this AM. "So the most important thing for me is my dogs." Lucky for the Queen's pooches, she already had a plan in place -- her dogs go to a nearby Four Seasons hotel.

DID HE OR DIDN'T HE?


Kanye West will not be charged with assaulting a photographer -- in an alleged incident that went down just hours ago in the UK.



West was arrested at a hotel in Gateshead, England early this morning after allegedly getting into a tussle with a photog on his way out of the Tup Tup nightclub in Newcastle.



After a short investigation, West was released from police custody without charges.



FYI -- The person alleging the assault made the same claim against a famous British soccer player around a month ago -- but the charges were ruled to be unfounded in that case as well.


UPDATE: TMZ just spoke with the photog -- who claims Kanye did, in fact, smash his face in around 2AM London time.

WHY ARE ALL THE MOVIES SUCKING?


If you were expecting a series of James Bond masterpieces, you will be disappointed by "Quantum of Solace." After the heights of "Casino Royale," the series falls back into routine with this above-average thriller, filled with over-the-top action, familiar Bond atmosphere, and a story that's impossible to follow - and why bother anyway? Daniel Craig is still the coolest man in the universe. That definitely helps.



Oh, but what a rotten life this James Bond has. Remember Sean Connery, and how he made being a secret agent seem like a great job? Remember Roger Moore, almost bursting out of his tuxedo with self-satisfaction, waiting to tell somebody, anybody, that his name was Bond, James Bond? These guys loved their work, and they made you think, gee, I'd like to do that, too.

WHO'S SIDE ARE YOU ON? THEY'RE BOTH PROB CRAZY...


The family of Paula Goodspeed is coming to her defense following her apparent suicide outside Paula Abdul's home earlier this week.



"She was not a stalker," Charles McIntyre, Goodspeed's only brother, told E! News Thursday.



McIntyre, who lives with his family in Oakland, Maine, said his sister moved to California five years ago with only one dream: to be a star. "She went down there to have a career, and when she went down in front of those American Idol judges, it was over," said McIntyre. "She was just like anyone else, trying to make it big as an actor or singer."

THE BEST PART OF THIS WHOLE ELECTION...IS OVER!


Tina Fey's hilarious turn as Sarah Palin put Saturday Night Live on the electoral map like nothing else in recent memory -- viewership is up nearly 70 percent this season. But will Fey continue to moonlight as the gorgeous governor, who could be a parody-worthy public figure for years to come? "I
have to retire just because I have to do my day job," reveals the creator and star of NBC's 30 Rock (which experienced a 20 percent ratings uptick for its Oct. 30 season premiere). "I think [Kristen] Wiig would do a really good job." As for whether there'll be an official Palin torch passing, she says, "Maybe we could get a real torch. Or I could give Wiig the Palin wig."

YAY...BRIT BRIT IS HOT AGAIN!


Britney Spears looks amazing on the December cover of Australian Cosmo -- only problem...the picture is five years old!



These pre 5150/ K-Fed pics were taken by James White for a cover story that ran in Esquire Magazine back in 2003.


Cosmo clearly wants more Brit for the buck.